A Guide to Setting Grandparent Boundaries

As new mom, you won't have the energy to entertain a house full of people. Even well-intentioned grandparents. Ask them to call before coming over to the house during those first few weeks so you can get settled into your new role. Once you have a schedule, tell the grandparents what hours are OK for drop-ins.

Consistency is key when it comes to raising children, so it's important that grandparents understand — and follow — your rules. Let them know if the kids have to finish dinner before getting dessert, what they can watch on TV, and how many books to read before bedtime. This way your child can't pull the "but Grandma lets me do it!" card. But be prepared for the fact that grandparents do like to bend the rules!

Grandparents love to spoil little ones, and we can't blame them. But sometimes a generous gift can cross the line. If your parents are big spenders, let them know that it might be more helpful to put the money toward something baby would benefit from — like a music class or college fund — rather than a toy car. If they like to shop, remind them that your child doesn't need a gift every time they see her.

Just because your parents took you to church every Sunday doesn't mean you have to continue the tradition. Make sure, however, that they know your religious plans before baby is born to avoid any awkward discussions about the baptism or bris.

If you thought dividing holidays was difficult as newlyweds, wait until there is a baby in the picture. Unless both sets live within a reasonable driving distance of each other, chances are only one will see baby that day. Sit down with your spouse to discuss your plan, and gently share them with the grandparents. Do, however, try to find a way to see them close to the holiday so they can still celebrate.

You and your parents are bound to disagree on certain techniques and rules. If they do have an issue that they want to discuss, ask them to do it when the children aren't around.

Every grandparent will occasionally break a rule. But buying the kids an ice cream cone or reading them one extra book won't ruin your child. So, please, go easy on the grandparents. After all, they raised you, and you turned out just fine.