In this unhealthy pattern of connection, the child believes their needs won't be met and isn't sure how to get them met because the primary caregiver is inconsistent, is emotionally and/or physically abusive, and may avoid the child altogether. A child who has a disorganized attachment with their parent may fear them and want to be comforted by them but avoid them in order to protect themselves. In reunification experiments, the child may walk toward, then away from their parent and be challenging to comfort. If you find yourself struggling to stay calm with your child and notice that you are having urges to be violent or have lashed out, the best step you can take is to speak with a counselor or therapist who can help you better understand your triggers and work with you on how you can connect with your child in a healthy and safe way.
