The 11 Worst Diets Out There

No, this isn't just some catchy name. Woman-to-woman, I completely get wanting to look your best, but seriously?! This is horrifically dangerous and lazy way to do so. When the trend began in the 1900s, dieters would swallow a "beef tapeworm cyst" (typically in the form of a pill), but now people buy these parasites off the black market, as they're illegal.

For those of us adulting and what not, this one seems pretty damn awesome ... at first. A diet that values slumber above all? I mean which one of us couldn't adjust to that. But, here's where it takes a weird turn (eh, or just plain old illogical?) ... you don't just rest up, you sedate yourself into a comatose slumber in hopes of shedding several pounds, while sleeping.

The reality is there's no Prince Charming to wake you up from this heavily sedated slumber, so you never waking up (read bluntly: death) by trying this "diet."

One thing people must learn is that celebrities — no matter how human we like to pretend they are — they just don't count! What I'm saying is, you shouldn't be so quick to go out and start wearing, living, or doing the all that your fave celebs do. While I'm sure chugging several cups of fresh lemonade, packed with cayenne pepper, lemon juice, honey, and water sounds quite delicious ... it's just not all that healthy, for you or those surrounding you. Queen Bey, herself, lost 20 pounds for Dreamgirls but admitted to being unpleasant during this time.

If we could put a "Do NOT try at home" label on the actions of celebrities, this would be a good time to throw out that disclaim. This diet has been known to cause fatigue, dizziness, and dehydration (duh?), as you're essentially starving your body of the proper nutrition.

Sounds a little complex in comparison to the other, which is already a pretty good indication that this diet no good. Apparently, there's a tight calorie restriction with this diet, we're talking NYC transit at 5 o'clock, tight — with an astounding 500 calorie intake (le sigh) of organic, unprocessed foods and a daily dose of pregnancy related hormones known as, human chorionic gondatropin.

Here's what I have to say: 1) My mom taught me to steer clear of things you can't pronounce; 2) Thanks, but no thanks on any extra shots ... I barely made it through that rough period of childhood! 3) Sounds as expensive, as it actually is; 4) It hasn't been approved by the FDA; 5) It limits you to 500 calories, which is code for starvation.

So with all of that in consideration, it's probably best to pass.

This diet is for those of you who enjoyed eating paper as a child! Congrats, you're moving up to the big leagues! With this diet you eat a cotton ball (or two, or five) before each meal in hopes of filling more full prior to divulging in this now paper-tasting meal.

And, if you really want to add a kick of flavor try letting your cotton ball absorb some good ol' OJ, your favorite smoothie, or lemonade before eating them. Mmmm, don't we just have a knack for delicious dinner recipes? All jokes aside, eating anything other than food can block the intestines ... not sure (don't want to find out) what happens when your intestines get blocked, but sounds pretty shitty. The worst part? Cotton balls aren't just made out of cotton but bleach and synthetic fibers — need I say more?

When fitness meets 16th century chic, you get waist training. I'll be the first to admit, I myself, am interested in this trend ... I've seen some of the results (including Kim Kardashian and real life beings) and I suppose I'm willing to risk crushing a few organs for a slim waist, with a crazy butt.

It's said that this trend is safe in moderation, but we all know that's not how it works — fellow waist trainees know that you sleep, breath, and eat with the damn thing cutting off your airway.

Apparently, it doesn't actually help you lose fat, but simply "trains" your curves. And, just like the rest of these fad tactics you'll be gaining the weight back the moment you stop. Guess they're not as magical as we'd like to believe.

Also known as: the Hollywood Diet, formed in the 1930s — this diet involved eating half of a grapefruit, in addition to a cup of coffee and a teeny bit of lean meat and salad. While there are multiple versions of this diet to surface since then (people never know when to end a sequel, huh?) this is the most common and straight forward.

This diet limits your cals from 800-1,000 ... once again, this is under the recommended calorie intake and while it does show results, it won't keep working after you've completed it.

Loads of veggies? Yes, please (well, kinda). Loads of uncooked food? Eh, I'm not buying it. Doesn't it sort of take away from the health of the meal if you're risking it all (very literally) for meals drenched in bacteria, e. coli, and parasites? Because, that's what I hear when you say "raw food diet."

Unfortunately, I'm thinking this is the closest I can get to transforming on a full moon. Anyways, this is also known as the lunar diet and you're supposed to fast, drinking nothing but water or "juiced juice" during a full moon and new moon phases — this diets claim to fame is the fact that they swear to shed (at least) six pounds during this 24-hour period. As with all fad diets, you will lose the weight temporarily and gain it back and soon as the full moon turns into crescent one.

Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like — a disgrace of a diet that let's you eat WHATEVER, just as long as you stop after five bites.

Now, this is YourTango, so we know a tease when we see one and damn it, THIS is a tease. Why the hell would I want to take five bites out of a yummy barbecue rib (keep in mind, there's a slab in front of you), with a side of creamy mashed potatoes? Please, explain this craziness to me. Better yet, don't! Because it's unexplainable. No real foodie (and let's face it, if you're reading this and can't say "no" to food ... that would mean you) is walking away from a piping hot plates of tasty anything; besides, didn't your mother teach you not to waste food? Not to mention, by only taking 5 bites of a meal you're not likely to receive the recommended amount of calories per day — even with larger bites.

Most diets are painful and disappointing (prior to the results, that is) but this sounds pretty darn delightful — especially if cookie dough counts as cookies (they've got to have smart choice cookie dough, right?) — but, of course, there's a catch. The catch being, you can only eat cookies and only the special, diet cookies.

It's effective because you're cutting down on calories, tremendously, but as soon as you eat anything without chocolate chips and vanilla extract you're going to blow up faster than a sex doll, at a bachelorette party. Not to mention, because you eat so little daily come dinner time you'll be salivating over any and everything — with that you risk binge eating.

— Kiarra Sylvester

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