You Don't Get to Taste the Food — and Other Shocking Revelations About Being in the Audience of The Chew

More assistants ushered us into various seats. I thought I was getting the best seat in house sitting in the front row until I looked to my left and discovered the ultimate, most-coveted row: the tasters, a small group of maybe seven audience members who sit at a table and get to eat all the recipes that the cohosts and guests make. I have NO idea how to land that spot in the audience. A retiree in line with me told me that "you've got to know people to get in one of those seats." My heart sunk. I would be smelling all of the food and not get to eat it?! Torture!

Even though this image makes the studio look well lit, it's actually very dark and cold inside the studio until lights, camera, action! To keep the energy of the audience high before the show begins, The Chew has it's very own RC named RC Smith. He greeted the audience, called out various members to learn more about them and poke fun at their responses, and played classic hits that everyone could dance and sing to. Though it's silly to be singing at like 8:15 a.m., part of being part of the audience is to overexaggerate laughing, clapping, and gasping so it's picked up by the microphones overhead.

I was able to step down and into the kitchen set to check it out. It's a fully functional, fully stocked set with every gadget you could possibly need. For most kitchen sets, everything is fake, but not at The Chew. The sink, refrigerator, stove, and burners all really work!

Finally the show began! Mario made fried pork cutlet sandwiches tucked in a crusty hoagie roll with a spicy pickled slaw. It was agony watching him fry up those sandwiches and watching the hosts eat them. It didn't help that I didn't have time to eat breakfast that morning. I felt completely sick with desire for that dang pork cutlet sandwich. Meanwhile, as we watched the show, the RC stood on the side of the audience and listened intently to help guide the audience to clap, laugh, and "ooh" and "ahh". If you listen closely in the video, you can hear him start the laugh track with a high-pitched "haha".

After the segment finished, Mario shook hands with audience members and he said to me, "Would you like to try a bite of the sandwich?" I probably screamed "Yes!" a little too eagerly. He waltzed back to the test kitchen in Mario fashion and reappeared dramatically holding a plate with a full sandwich over his head like a French waiter. He presented it in front of me along with his signature orange kitchen towel. I think my jaw landed on the floor. I wanted to take a picture of it and started rummaging around for my phone but Mario shook his finger at me and said, "No, no. It's best eaten when hot," so I abandoned my effort and ate the sandwich gleefully. Meanwhile a million envious eyes glared at me, including the cameramen, who came over and asked if they could have a bite.

The crunchy pork cutlet itself reminded me of tonkatsu, or Japanese breaded fried pork. It meshed perfectly with the tart mustard, spicy pickled relish, and crisp hoagie bun. I ate every last crumb.

The theme of the episode was "from the vault," and Clinton Kelly's segment involved a magic trick with an actual vault. Well, there was a mishap and we ended up waiting for a very long time for the crew to figure it out. Thank goodness for RC Smith who kept the corny jokes a comin'. He and one of the camera men had a funny banter that had us heehawing despite the hiccup in the show. Being the pro he is, he didn't run out of material and he practically interviewed the whole audience by the end of it. Eventually Clinton stepped in and convinced the audience to say "Presto, chango . . . boop!" for his magic trick. We had time to practice before it was time to go back on air.

I've only ever had tapioca pearls in Asian bubble tea, but Clinton's tapioca pudding with milk, heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla bean looks decadent and comforting and way better than the packaged stuff you see in pudding cups.

Alfonso Ribeiro, host of America's Funniest Home Videos, helped Michael make his mom's Italian beef with Sunday sauce. At this point, I was getting tired and I'm sure other audience members felt the same. It was around 10:30-11 a.m., so we had been in our seats for almost three hours.