Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged

1 Are we getting engaged for the right reasons?

You shouldn't be getting engaged because you're looking forward to having a beautiful wedding. Conversely, you also shouldn't be getting engaged because it's just "what people do." Talk with your partner about the reason the two of you are interested in marriage. What does it mean to you, and why is now the right time to move forward?

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2 Do I feel secure in my life outside of this person?

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It goes without saying that if you aren't mature enough to navigate life solo, you're definitely not mature enough to prioritize your relationship for a lifetime, sometimes over your own interests. Really make sure that you're comfortable with yourself first before committing to someone else.

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3 Is this person secure in their life?

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Of course, this advice goes both ways — you don't want to get married to someone who's going to be wishy-washy about your life together. Make sure your partner is in the right place in life (and the right frame of mind) to happily commit.

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4 Am I ready to leave the past behind?

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Once you get married, the only way out is divorce or separation. Make absolutely sure you've resolved any lingering issues you have about the past, especially in regard to exes you may be harboring feelings for.

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5 Do I know who I am and what I stand for?

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If you're not sure what you're doing with your life in terms of your career or values, it's not the right time to make a long-term commitment like getting engaged. You want to feel confident about these things and make sure you're on the same page with your partner.

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6 Do I trust this person inside and out?

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Trust is key in any relationship, but that doesn't just mean in terms of fidelity! Do you trust your partner to take care of themselves financially? Do you trust them to value you over the opinions of their friends? It's important to have these sometimes tough conversations before you agree to get hitched.

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7 Do this person and I want the same things?

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Make sure that before you get engaged, you've talked about your long-term vision for life together. A classic deal-breaker is that one person wants kids while the other doesn't. But other plans matter just as much: is your partner going to demand that you're home by 5:30 every day, whereas you want to hustle and grind to advance your career? That could also be a serious deal-breaker.

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8 Does this person support my personal growth?

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Of course, there will always be differences between partners. Perhaps your partner is career-oriented while you have the "work to live" mindset instead. Do you both have enough respect for each other to honor the other person's personal goals and happily support them?

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9 If I had to compromise for this person, would I resent them?

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Compromise will inevitably have to happen at some point in your relationship. For example, if your partner really wants to go back to school, you might have to work extra hours or give up certain things in order to support the family during that time. Will you go to bat for your partner's dreams, and vice versa? Or will you resent having to compromise?

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10 What are my values surrounding marriage?

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Take some time to think about how you view marriage as an institution, and what your values are around it. Why is marriage, as opposed to a long-term partnership, important to you? Evaluating these beliefs will help you determine whether you really want to get married, or whether you're just doing it because society says you should.

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11 What would happen if we broke up?

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Finally, don't forget to ask yourself what your backup plan is. Not all marriages work out. Do you think you're secure enough to make things work in the event of a breakup? If not, now may be the time to work on yourself rather than rushing into marriage.

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