28 Times Riverdale Got So Weird and Wild, It Felt Like You Were on Jingle Jangle
Remember when Riverdale's first season premiered, and we thought it was so crazy? Then season two came along, and we figured the show couldn't get any more wild. But season three was like, "Hold my fizzle rocks — you're about to be taken to a whole new level of insane." Yeah, it's been a loony past few seasons, and it seems like every installment ups the ante. We went from trying to figure out Jason Blossom's murder to watching someone dressed up in branches convince children to kill people and/or commit suicide. Oh, and we've also been introduced to a farm cult that makes babies levitate over a fire.
Evidently, Riverdale has spent every season serving us a hot plate of "WTF?" and we're fully expecting season four to have just as many twists and turns. But before we start speculating too much about the upcoming chapter, let's take a walk down memory lane and revisit some of the show's craziest moments thus far.
Season One: Archie Has a Romance With His Music Teacher, Miss Grundy
The fact that she's allowed to leave town instead of facing the law after their relationship is exposed still boggles my mind.
"Dark Betty" Scares the Daylights Out of Chuck Clayton, Veronica, and the Rest of Us
We're all for taking down misogynistic scumbags, but Betty definitely snaps when she seeks revenge on Chuck for lying about his sexual encounter with Veronica. Between almost boiling Chuck alive in a hot tub and slowly pushing his head into the water with her stiletto, it seems like she's actually going to kill him.
The Truth About Polly and Jason’s Families Is Revealed
Everyone initially thought Cheryl and her brother, Jason, had a thing for each other, but they don't. However, there is some incest going on between Jason and Polly (though, they didn't know they were related). Polly — who's pregnant with Jason's twins in the first season — finds out that her and Jason's great-grandfathers were brothers. But after one of them kills the other, the family splits in two and distances themselves from one another with one side taking the name "Cooper." That would make Polly and Betty the cousins of Jason and Cheryl. Awkward.
Jason's Murderer Is Revealed
Jason's father, Clifford, turns out to be the killer and murders his own son to hide the family's secret drug business, which Jason knew about. Talk about daddy issues.
Cheryl Burns Her Thornhill House Down
In an effort to start over, Cheryl sets her house ablaze as her mother, Penelope, looks on in despair. She is Cheryl Bombshell, indeed.
The Black Hood Targets Fred Andrews
And this sets off all the madness that takes place in season two.
Season Two: The Black Hood Kills Miss Grundy
OK, Miss Grundy's continued relationships with underage children is a definite no-no, but the Black Hood choking her to death is still tough to watch.
Archie Forms the Red Circle to Combat Crime in Riverdale
I'm not even going to lie, I thought this entire storyline was hilarious and just an excuse to show off a bunch of hot shirtless dudes (which, in my opinion, makes it a crazy subplot).
Alice and Chic Kill a Drug Dealer
And then they make Betty help clean the blood. NBD.
Toni Saves Cheryl From Conversion Therapy
Ah, young love!
Midge Klump Is Murdered During Riverdale High's Production of Carrie: The Musical
This really put a damper on the show. Sad.
Betty Figures Out Her Father, Hal, Is the Black Hood
That's right, Clifford Blossom isn't the only murderous father in Riverdale. Not only does Hal admit to being the Black Hood after Betty puts two and two together, but he also reveals his father, Louis, was the legendary serial killer known as the Riverdale Reaper.
Jughead Is (Almost) Beaten to Death by Penny Peabody and the Ghoulies
We find out later that Jughead isn't actually dead, but this scene is still brutal. Leave our broody teen alone!
Hiram Lodge Orchestrates Archie's Arrest
Hiram manages to pin the murder of Cassidy Bullock on Archie, right after the red-headed hunk is named the student body president. So rude.
Season Three: Alice and Polly Use the Twins, Juniper and Dagwood, in a Farm Ritual
Seriously, the Cooper family is really messed up.
Hermione Hires FP to Kill Hiram
But of course Hiram survives the assassination attempt and has Hermione arrested at the end of the season. Hermione did, however, succeed at killing Sheriff Minetta, whom she has a secret affair with.
Riverdale High's Vixens Visit Archie in Prison to . . . Cheer?
Please — and I cannot stress this enough — don't do something like this in real life. Ever.
Jughead ACTUALLY Sings
Cole Sprouse is never going to live this down.
Betty Discovers Gryphons and Gargoyle Was Created at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy
The nuns created the game to keep patients complacent, giving them the hallucinatory drugs Fizzle Rocks to make them afraid of the Gargoyle King, which turns out to be a statue in their punishment room. But of course, we know that G&G eventually finds its way to Riverdale and inspires a real life Gargoyle King.
Evelyn Is Edgar’s Wife, Not His Daughter
Yep, Evelyn is actually married to Edgar and has been posing as a teenager for about a decade to lure vulnerable high school students to the farm. It's pretty disturbing.
Jason's Corpse Isn't Resting in Peace
First, Edgar (or one of his brainwashed minions) takes Jason's dead body out of his grave and keeps it at the farm, then Cheryl discovers the corpse and decides to take it herself and have a chat with it. There's a family reunion we didn't expect to see.
Hiram Lodge Goes to Jail
It's nice to see Hiram behind bars, but the season three finale has confirmed that he has people working for him on the inside. He's already framed Hermione for attempted murder, and we know that his war with Archie and the gang is hardly over. Does this guy realize he's a grown man feuding with teenagers?
Penelope Blossom Is the Mastermind Behind Basically Everything
After Jason was murdered and the Blossom family's secrets were aired out, Penelope felt as if the whole town turned on her. She also feels as if no one cared that she was sold into the Blossom family as a child bride, which . . . is a valid sentiment. As an act of revenge, she teams up with the Black Hood to wreak havoc, eventually enlisting Chic (whom she turns into Jason 2.0 by dyeing his hair red) to help with their diabolical mission. Meanwhile, she's running a brothel because she's just that good at multitasking.
Chic Is Revealed to Be Alive/the Gargoyle King/Jason Blossom 2.0
The Black Hood/Hal didn't kill Chic in season two, believing they share a connection. Instead, they join forces with Penelope (who practically adopts Chic as a second Jason) for a take-down.
Alice Has Been Working With the FBI the Whole Time
OK, so Alice isn't brainwashed after all, but it's disturbing that she'd toss her grandchildren in a fire and willingly almost drown to death.
The Farm Stirs Sh*t Up and Then Just . . . Disappears
The farm storyline is hyped up and Edgar is revealed to be harvesting organs (I repeat, harvesting organs) just to have him and his underlings disappear without a trace in the season three finale? Come on. Guess we'll see what happens in the next season.
Betty and Jughead Meet Their Half-Brother, Charles
The lovechild of Jughead's father and Betty's mother is finally revealed! His name is Charles Smith, and he's an attractive FBI agent who Alice is working with to expose the farm's offenses.