When a child is being verbally disrespectful, or as we called it in our home, "emotionally biting" someone, a parent's defensive wall goes up and she screams right back! Circle of Moms member Jodie M. wonders how "to manage her own anger when dealing with oppositional kids." Most parents who are having loud, ugly words screamed at them would react. The question is, "is there another option?" Yes, there is.

First, let me say that I firmly believe that parents should not be disrespected, or have to endure any kind of emotional rudeness, but it does happen. Once it happens a parent feels like there's only one thing to do to stop it: punish! I want to offer another way, one that not only stops the rude and disrespectful behavior in its tracks, but also teaches.

Keep reading.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." When I was little that rhyme was the big, bad, powerful statement we used to ward off the vicious attacks of other kids.

That rhyme gave us power but didn't protect us from the sting of the words. It didn't stop the ugly words from sinking in and taking root. It didn't stop those words from becoming the way we saw ourselves or from imagining it was the way others saw us, too.

What got me thinking about this was a parent-child interaction I witnessed this week in the grocery store, and this Circle of Moms conversation about basic needs for healthy relationships, in which a member named Nancy R. shared the thought that "The emotional hurt may be hidden from others, but it plays on your mind, heart, and soul."

If you remember the sting of mean words spoken to you as a child, why would you ever label your kids in ways that could be hurtful to them? I'm not talking about labels like "autistic" or "sensory seeking"; I'm talking about calling your child "sloppy," "liar," "stupid," "awful," etc.

Do parents who do this believe that labeling their child will change something about them or help correct a behavior? Can that ever work?

Here's the real-life incident that caused me to wonder about this question.

As a Circle of Moms member named Yolanda shares, the scariest thing in the world is seeing your child run straight into potential danger: "My son bolted from the store and started to run into the parking lot!"

Even so, it's no fun to walk with your child when you're spending the entire time correcting her for running ahead. You know she's too young to perceive real danger so you warn her constantly, but she feels like she's being controlled and acts like a horse chomping at the bit to get away.

Two Ways to Teach Safe Walking

Teaching your child the two walks described below not only helps her learn to be safe around cars or out in nature, but also helps her develop self-control and responsibility. Both walks require an explanation and several rounds of practice before using. A great place to practice is in an empty parking lot or an unused road.

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Graduation is the telltale sign that announces the next wave will soon be leaving for college! Parents become wistful, hoping and praying that their child's self-esteem is high enough to weather any of the life storms they'll have to face without their parents nearby.

Can't relate? That's probably because you're in the beginning of the process, the stage when you're helping your children discover just how capable they really are.

Over the last few years, several books have emerged sharing new research regarding a child's self-esteem, what works, and what doesn't work.

Prior to this new research, it was believed that copious amounts of praise would magically increase a child's self-esteem. As Circle of Moms reader Beth W. suggests, "Praise your daughter lots, which will help her self esteem/confidence as she grows up."

However, the new research shows us that there is more to the story. It's the way a parent praises a child that is the key to whether or not a child achieves high self-esteem.

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Do you think yelling and being firm are the same thing? Many parents do. They believe in order to be firm, you have to yell. I believe yelling is yelling, and that firmness is authority in action and requires no yelling.

Ask yourself this: do you think there's a connection between the intensity of a parent's voice and how much learning a child is able to accomplish? I think there is. I believe less learning occurs when parents yell at their children.

There are others who agree with me. Nikki S remembers her childhood, "I was yelled at constantly as a kid and to this day I hate yelling, if someone yells at me it makes me want to hide."

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Have you ever witnessed a child who constantly dominates a conversation, or a child who grabs objects out in public, even after being told not to touch? What about a child who just doesn't seem to know how to wait his turn? Are these kids "bad," or are they kids who need help learning how to control their impulsive natures?

Keep reading to find out.

No one is perfect. Not your kids, not you, and certainly not me. I'm a parenting expert, educator, and coach, and I am not a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes and have lessons to learn from our experiences in life. Oh, the messes I've made from time to time!

Each misstep in life has a purpose and causes further fallout for us to deal with. Each misstep is a teacher of sorts. No one likes that fact, and every parent forgets it at times. Whether it's due to stress, the fast pace of life, or our own childhood wounds, there are times when we forget that our child is just a child, and has only made a mistake, not committed a crime.

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I live in a big city and every day witness people being curt and mean and yelling at each other. It's as if no one cares how others are feeling anymore. Every time I hear it, I get sad.

When spouses/partners, parents and kids, or strangers on the street are angry and no resolution occurs, the injured party walks away feeling isolated and alone. The connection is lost. That lost connection causes people to remain angry and spread their anger from one person or situation to another. It’s the kick-the-dog syndrome.

How can we reconnect again?

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Arguing happens anywhere, anytime, and at any age. A child asks for something, mom or sibling says NO, and the child begins to argue. Mom or sibling gets mad, hoping it will stop the arguing. The child just speaks faster and louder, trying to explain. Mom or sibling reaches the end of their rope and yells, "Stop it!" but the arguing and negotiating continues. A power struggle is in full swing.

That scene raises the question, "Why doesn't arguing and negotiating stop when a parent yells, 'Stop it?'" Here are three reasons why.

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Nothing in parenting remains the same from day to day — nothing except the presence of feelings! Feelings are part of life, part of being a child, and definitely part of parenting. Because your child is growing quickly, her feelings change from one moment to the next. That means your parenting solutions have to change, too.

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Every kid begs for video games. Parents hear the plea over and over again until they're so worn down they knuckle under and buy one. But as soon as you buy the game, the real trouble begins: junior sits down and won't get up. When he does, he's aggressive, screaming, "But the game isn't finished!" At that point you wonder, "What have I done?"

Electronics are part of your daily life, too. You're reading this online, I just hung up my cell phone, most of your Christmas gifts were probably bought online to avoid the crowds, and soon you'll be hopping over to Facebook to see how things are with your "friends." Like it or not, our children will need to know how to use electronics and computers in order to be successful in this world.

Did you know that the underlying principal for every video game is math, problem solving, and strategic thinking? Those are the skills your child is using and expanding as they play video games. But Circle of Moms member Mell L. still wonders: "With all the new tech out there . . . are we dulling our children's imaginations?"

I ponder the same thing as Mell. No matter what the researchers say about video games, I still wanted my kids outside, reading books, and using their imagination. Because of that, we locked horns, a lot.

Then one day at work, while the tech was fixing my computer, again, I asked, "How did you become a computer tech?" His answer rocked my world: "I played video games." Turns out playing video games benefited my kids, too. They both work in the computer industry today. But I made sure there were limits.

Here, we're sharing eight limits to set for video games so that your child's electronic world is balanced with creative outdoor play.

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"I'd have to take off my socks to count the number of times in a day I have to repeat myself," writes Nicole E., responding to the article How Yelling Cancels Listening. "How does this work for kids who don't listen unless you yell? At the very least, I have to scream their names and then talk . . . but even then, they usually don't listen."

Here's my question to Nicole and others: is it possible that your children perceive your repetitions as warnings that will lead to an ultimatum, rather than as instructions to stop right away?

Keep reading.

We all know that modeling is a big part of parenting. As mom-of-two Vanessa D. asks, "I don't know how to tell my daughter that she cannot yell at me when I get mad at her for something she shouldn't do. I need help. Does anyone have any other way to teach her not to yell back?"

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Holly H. is frustrated with her husband's parenting: "It seems that every time he has to deal with the kids he ends up getting into power struggles/arguments with them. One of the specific things that I hear him doing is telling the kids, 'If you don't . . . then you won't.' Instead of the more positive 'After you . . . then you can . . .' They react negatively to this and are much more likely to refuse to do whatever he's telling them to do than if he would say it the second way."

Holly's husband is reacting in a very normal way. Every parent has days when they've yelled so much they're at the end of their rope. Those are the days when you want to run away, and we've all been there. But before you pack your bags, let me share one possible reason why you're being forced to yell, and suggest a way to change things.

Young children tend to gravitate to where they experience the most energy. When a parent yells, he or she exudes a great deal of energy and attention. Think about it from a child's point of view. What do you do when you yell? You stop what you're doing, you turn around, you lock eyes with your child, and you focus all of your words on him. That's a bunch of attention! Children gobble that up and then use childlike reasoning and decide that misbehavior is a good way to get my parent's focused attention — even though they're yelling. No, I'm not going to suggest that you ignore a child's bid for attention; I think that's mean.

I know it's hard to believe that children think they're getting attention when a parent yells, but that's immature reasoning in action. Children don't see the whole picture yet, so they don't really know that behaving well is a better option, unless you show them, repeatedly.

Keep reading.

When I think about my kids as babies I remember their sweet faces, wonderful smells, tiny fingers, and really long legs. When I think about them as two-year-olds, I remember tiny bodies, big eyes, and easy going natures. . . that is until they started to say 'no' to me. That was the moment when the metamorphosis from Dr. Jekyl to Mr. Hyde began — a developmental shift that other Circle of Moms members, including Gretchen L. and Emily W., are also noticing with their little ones.

Find out what the change really means.

“I was wondering if anyone has noticed a correlation between their level of stress and the way they have handled their child?" writes Circle of Moms member Haley H. "For instance being short fused on bad days, etc.?”

Absolutely! I think parents are just plain worn out! Many parents, especially in this economy, are working hard, feeling stressed, and can’t make adjustments to how many hours a week they work. They arrive home frustrated, angry, sad, and tired. They wonder, “What happened to the life I planned to live? Parents ask me all the time, “How do I stop dumping my stress all over my kids?”

Keep reading for parenting expert Sharon Silver's advice.

When I read posts on Circle of Moms, I notice a common thread running through the questions moms post about setting limits with their children. Over and over again, moms want to know why what they're doing isn't working.

Keep reading to find out why.

Do your kids come running to interrupt you as soon as you get on the phone? As Circle of Moms member Alicia notes of this behavior pattern in her daughter, it's as if kids have a silent alarm that goes off when mom's attention shifts away from them. She often gets off the phone to give her daughter the attention she's demanding, but then, she reports, "I start getting upset because I'm always doing this and there are things that I need to get done.”

Young children see themselves as the center of the universe, and that’s age appropriate. They haven’t developed to the point where they understand that their parents need to, want to, and can do things that don’t involve them.

So when a child hears her parent talking on the phone she runs in, attempting to refocus her parent’s attention back on to her. This is a form of research for a child, not misbehavior.

A Parental Response That Feeds the Problem

Think of what you normally do when you’re on the phone and your child comes running in to interrupt you.

• You look directly into her eyes and point to the phone as if to say, “I’m on the phone, please be quiet and let me talk.”
• Then, you raise your finger and make the silent shush sign.
• Finally, you hold up one finger to indicate you’ll only be one more minute; which by the way is an eternity for a child.

To a child, all of that translates as, "I got some of mom’s attention. Not the lovely kind of attention, but attention nonetheless.” (See my column on potty training, Potty Training and Parent Pie, to fully understand why I say this.)

Of course, if that’s not enough attention to fill your child's tank, she’ll resort to whining, begging, talking loudly, stomping, screaming, or having a tantrum to keep you focused on her and not the phone.

Oh, the Silly Things I Say

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you ask your child “What do you need?” she mumbles or says something silly? Her answer is telling you she’s looking for attention. Of course, if you sense your child really needs you, then pay attention to her.

How to Handle Phone Interruptions

The phone rings, you answer, and your child comes running in to interrupt you.          

• Motion for her to come closer to you. As she’s snuggling up beside you, begin rubbing her back. Touching a person’s body sends a message to their psyche that they’re being paid attention to.
• Do not look her in the eyes, and do not talk to her.
• If she tries to talk to you, rotate your body a quarter turn away from her, and continue to rub her back.

6 Tips and Tricks

1. Children under the age of 2½ are developmentally too young for parents to use this tip.
2. When first trying this, talk to a dial tone and not a real person. It’s too hard to remember what to do as you listen to your child and attempt to talk to a friend.
3. Ignore the repeated mom-mom-mom chant. Try to give it one full minute of silently rubbing her back before you say anything to her. During that minute her talking should begin to slow down, or stop. That’s because her deep need for attention is being filled.
4. Support yourself as you do this by reminding yourself that you’re teaching your child that she can’t have everything she wants, when she wants it. The world just doesn’t work that way.

1. This is not about punishment — it’s about teaching. If your child is becoming more and more agitated as you implement this tip, then stop and talk to her. Some days are days for teaching and some days aren’t. 
2. If your child is not looking for attention, then the back rubbing will just make her mad and she’ll simply push your hand away.

This works for all aged kids, and husbands too. Although for some reason the hubby’s don’t like it so much. LOL!

Image Source: iStock Photo

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Recently I received a question on Twitter: “Do you have any suggestions for teaching a preschooler appreciation for [a] gift given to him, even if he doesn’t like it?” Circle of Moms posed a similar question to its members: “How do you teach a child to be grateful?," and many parents chimed in. All of this tells me this is an issue in many homes.

When a child says “please” and “thank you” during the early years (18 months–age 3), it’s pretty much a rote expression, automatic and mechanical. If you think about it, you probably had to prompt your child by saying, “What do you say?” so he would remember to express thanks. At that age, most young children don’t fully understand the social graces behind saying please and thank you; they just know they’re supposed to say them.

At around ages 4-6, when a child begins going through the developmental phases that ignite independence and assertiveness, is when refusing to say thank you can rear its head. Not saying “thank you” isn’t really about misbehaving, it’s more about the fact that the child doesn’t have a fully formed habit of saying “thank you” when he receives something he don’t like. They’re not old enough to understand all the complexities of using social graces. They need to be taught, without punishment, so they can learn.

Four Proactive Ways to Teach Appreciation

Teaching a child to be grateful, like most things in parenting, is not a one shot deal, it’s an ongoing process. Most parents are embarrassed when their child doesn’t say thank you, and rightfully so. However, if all you do is correct and punish after your child hasn’t said thank you, then the teaching moment easily can become a power struggle, not a lesson.

1. Model, model, and model some more.

Let your kids see you say thank you, a lot. When you’re given a gift or someone does something nice for you, say thank you. Say thank you to the cashier or the dry cleaner. Let your child know that when normal things happen, you express gratitude.

2. Point out details.

Make a habit of pointing out the little details you like about things. Share what you like in the pictures they draw, compliment how nicely they’re eating, how quickly they got dressed, how they stopped what they were doing so they could listen to you. This not only builds rock solid self-esteem, it also helps a child understand how to pick out one detail he does like from a gift he didn’t like, so he can genuinely say thank you. After all, no parent wants to hear, “Saying thank you for something I hate is lying!”

3. Donate.

We had a rule in our house: about a week before each birthday or holiday, the kids had to survey their toys and clothes and pick out a few things to donate to those who were less fortunate. To avoid possible last minute hesitation about giving something away that was theirs, the kids were in charge of packing up the stuff and I was in charge of delivery. We also made sure to praise them for their generosity so they could see how the whole process worked.

4. Practice makes perfect.

This is especially true when it comes to teaching appreciation. Give your child opportunities to do nice things for others in the family. This teaches him about learning to extend kindness, and about receiving appreciation in return.

If your goal is to release a respectful, well mannered child into the world, then please know that refusing to say please and thank you does come up over and over again as they age. If you’re embarrassed, try saying, “Please excuse her, we’re working on social graces, again."

Image Source: iStock Photo

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

It’s funny, it never really occurs to me that I’m a stepchild, but I am. I think it’s because my stepdad has become such a huge part of my life that I don’t categorize myself as a stepchild, I am just his daughter. But because of my personal history, the debate playing out on Circle of Moms over how much of a role stepparents should play in making parenting decisions caught my eye.

This is always a hot topic on Circle of Moms, one that spawns heated debates and articles advocating for varying levels of stepparent participation. (See Why Step Moms Should Have a Say in Decision Making and 3 Parenting Situations Off Limits to Step Parents.)

My opinion is that each family has to figure it out for themselves, taking into account the personalities of all involved. Most of the time my advice comes from the parent or parenting educator inside of me. But on this question my advice stems from a different place: the stepchild inside of me.

My Parent's Divorce

My world fell apart at age 15. I was like every other 15-year-old: self-focused, obsessed with peers, snarky, entitled— normal right? I never saw it coming. Never.

Then one day my sister and I were told my parents were getting a divorce. W-h-a-t!?

It hit us hard because we thought it was coming out of the blue. In my mind there had been no clues, no signs they were headed for a divorce. Seriously, none! I began thinking about how this could happen and realized that they never fought, talked, dated, hugged or kissed. But since I was so busy being 15, I missed all those signs. 

A couple of years later mom announced she'd met a new person and was getting remarried.

I refused to allow my stepdad in. I extended him no rights at all. If he tried to get involved in my life in any way I would shun him or throw a full-blown teenage meltdown his way. What a way for the poor man to enter our family. I, of course, have since apologized.

9 Things My Stepdad Did Right

Having lived through, and accepted, a stepparent into my life, I wanted share some of the things my stepdad did that I think made a huge difference for us.

1. He never took my blame, anger, or teenage dislike of him personally. He knew I was conflicted. He knew I was loyal to my father and didn’t know how to work that out in my mind, at least not yet.

2. He never tried to take my father’s place. He knew that in order to be accepted he would need to create a different relationship between us.

3. He was smart enough to leave the big decisions up to my parents. He didn’t get involved, except when asked. Doing that said to me, “I honor that your parents are your parents and in charge of the 'big' decisions.” I really respected him for that.

4. He understood that respect is something that’s earned, not a right. He took that seriously. He gained my respect by treating me with respect.

5. He really listened to me and honored the emotional wounds that had been created by the divorce. He didn’t insist I push them aside and “get over it.”

6. He didn’t try to make any huge rules in the beginning of our relationship to help him establish his position as “The Stepdad.” He waited for the appropriate time and my mom’s support before doing so.

7. My mom and stepdad worked together to present a unified front to us. There was no negotiating about the rules, and no way to cause them to fight about a subject to get the focus off of me. That made me feel safe.

8. My stepdad always made it clear just how much he loved and respected my mom. As I watched simple gestures — a hug here and there, opening doors for her, bringing her flowers, I began to realize that he made Mom happier than we’d ever seen her, and again my love and respect for him increased.

9. Teenagers are hard to deal with. I would try to make my mom feel guilty so I could blame her for the pain I felt inside. She and my stepdad always honored my feelings, but wouldn’t accept the blame or guilt for loving each other. They taught me that my feelings were okay and they would not cave into my demands out of guilt.

I wanted you to hear from a stepchild what it feels like to have a new parent in your life. I hope this has helped in some small way.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.