What Every Mom Who Hasn't Seen Any New Movies Needs to Know Before the Oscars

Synopsis:
The one in which a frontiersman fights for survival after being left for dead.

Synopsis if you’ve only seen the trailer:
The one you hope gets Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar so he can start doing romantic comedies.

Talking points:

• Whatever you do, don't mention anything about a bear rape scene. That's old news.
• Ask if anyone knows what the word "revenant" actually means and then shake your head at the silence.